The In-Laws that Won't Kill You

Dear Readers,

Apologies for the long break. We are back to address the trauma in-laws bring to our lives and how we can overcome this constant epidemic. Yes I call it an epidemic as it is an infectious virus society knows exist but seem to be at an impasse to solve. Abuse by in-laws is so worrisome and have caused so much anxiety, depression yet somehow remains ingrained in the fabric of our societies across the globe.

I am from Africa, Nigeria to be precise but I know folks from other parts of the world that face the same war.

What else will one call it but war? A woman gets married and gets barraged by a declaration of hostilities often which she cannot correctly identify its source. She only tries to postulate and make assumptions. Do you know what causes such high level of resentment? Sometimes I think most in-laws have serious un-diagnosed mental conditions. I often call them principalities in lower places just pinching at you in little snippets at a time until you look like you have lost it telling tales that looks fairly impossible for common sense to understand.

Recently I bought bread as I traveled home, getting there I sent the bread across to my in-laws only to be summoned and asked why I gave only my father-in-law bread. I was flat out oblivious to what the crime was. On asking how I managed to do so, I was told that the bread was dropped in a section of the house which infers it was meant for my father-in-law more so since it was only one bread. Oh the next crime was that I bought one bread as opposed to buying two. Of course I was not asked if I had the resources to buy two.  The conclusion was that I have usurped her authority and relegated her position as the madam of her own house, all because bread was delivered to the house. It is not good to repeat the words of abuse this episode generated.

A friend of mine recently got ambush by her in-laws, this brought back some very bad memories and I realized there is need for people especially women to share their stories, seek advice as well help out others overcome present troubles. 

So send in your stories, ask questions and get immediate answers. 

Welcome back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

😅😁 Let us share the pains and laughter 

The Blackmail Game

What to do when your mother-in-law starts the blackmail game?

Really exasperating when my mother-in-law pulls the blackmail card, I remember her calling my husband with the constant nagging about me keeping her grandchildren away. At first it would be ridiculous and you even laugh it off. But wait a minute this angle always find its root with every call and citing of unconnected examples like how you came and took them away after they spent only 30mins or how you would not allow them sleep over. All unrelated but told manipulatively interconnected.

Do we join into this game of manipulation and blackmail? So tiring and draining. Much worse when there is  proximity to promote forced relationship. 

Reflections of A Daughter-Inlaw

After so many years of enduring this abuse, I have come to realize why dealing with monster in-laws is traumatic and sometimes hopeless especially in African societies.

1. Your husband is usually the one you can off load on when someone upsets you but in this case you cant because telling him his mother is a mean spirited person that will go to any length literally places you at persona-non-grata (' an unwelcome person')
2. Flowing from 1 above, should you go ahead and really tell him how you feel, that marriage is marred and may even come to an end. The ultimate monster in-law objective.
3.  All you will hear from your husband is I will handle it, she is my mother I can't throw her away. I am in the middle!! You guys are putting me in the middle!!! You then feel blackmailed and further frustrated.
4. You can hardly tell anyone without making your husband look like a wimp and lose his self respect because of the emotional quagmire he is cut up in.
5. Call in your parents and siblings, then is an all out war with no future ending. The Ultimate family gatherings nightmares.

It looks like a circle of no solutions until you snap. Then you look as mad as the monster in-laws. Hahahhahahhahahahahahaha 😅😂😄😄😅😅😂😂😂

The Husband in The Middle

The husband screams She is my Mother!!!!! I cannot throw her away, I will handle it.

My husband and father in-law keep saying they will handle my monster in-law with each episode and ask me to ignore, stay calm and just forgive. This is my latest answer after over 16years of taking this abuse:

I do know how you feel and do sincerely hope you can find a solution because you do believe ultimately in the good in her. However, I do feel traumatized especially as I get to keep everything in each and every episode that right now I am almost done in. Somehow we excuse her behaviour and find stupid justifications sometimes non-existent, her actions are well thought out and she is very aware of what she is doing. Objectively without emotions, she really cannot coexist with people peacefully and most especially I do not think she can ever accept me. But is up to you ultimately on how you deal with it as I will not force you to choose. I also know how she feels about me and have kept from talking about that because of the same reason-She is your mother. I am also someone's child and am almost at a point where I cannot summon any emotions towards her or trust. I will do my best to keep the peace but human I am.

My only request find a way to keep her away from me and what is mine!!!!!!

UK-based Nigerian Mother Pleas for Help as Daughter is allegedly Kidnapped by Grandma

This only gets to prove my point about how dangerous some mother-in-laws can be. I mean a woman ingrains herself into a family for 5 months only plotting to kidnap a little girl of 2 years. How wicked can this be? To remove a child from her mother and travel across continents? 

Mother-inlaw Banana Fiasco

Big problems in the world!

• Islamic State in a rampage against inhumanity, 
• Ebola turning nations upside down. 

Yet a mother in-law decides her ultimate goal and life ambition is to aggravate and take away your ability to function amidst serious life issues.

Today my monster in-law decided that part of her campaign to show how I cannot have a say was to enter my farm and cut down bananas that I had already sold. She waited until I left for the city ofcourse. I call that stealing but is up to you guys to decide.

When I called and confronted her, she said I sold it without leaving for her and her right is to consume and eat anything of mine perceived as her son's anytime she feels like.

Is this a control issues or what? I guess the problem will be why did we allow her to reside close enough to the farm?

She did abuse my dead parents and  call me a couple of names, ranging from a witch with ultimate plan of what??? Wait I know 'staying married to her son.'

I am so aggravated and as I type am about to explode. Thank you so much for this blog, at least I get to exhale but only God can truly help me stay sane........snapping is so very close. You can only imagine what thoughts have passed through my head already.

Mother in-law Tin Cans episode

My monster-in-law came to stay with us when I gave birth- a cultural practice. During this period of 3 months, I did everything within my power to make her comfortable and take care of her needs. Cooked for her etc.. After 3 months the same person that had stayed with me, smiled with me and carried my child went home to the village and gathered all the relatives to showcase ‘how I eat her son’s money’ and why her son was not sending her enough money. She had gathered all the empty cans of tin-food used to cook for the family including her over this period and traveled home with it over 850 kilometers.

I literally went nuts and could not believe what would possess another human being to think this way let alone behave in such a manner. I mean do I not have a stake in my own family finances; am I just an appendage that latched unto her son? Why would another being think of me as a parasite without worth or value? Who the hell did she think she was after I opened my doors and heart to her?

How do I proceed with this relationship? We have to go home for Christmas and I have to look at her and say what?